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My vagina hurts. TMI but fuck it! My body is completely shutting down on me. I don’t know what’s wrong and it scares me. I have regular periods. I never spot. I never have any issues with things like that. I just had a period two weeks ago…I start spotting on Monday and yesterday wake up to a full blown period. I feel like shit and it just won’t stop. It’s so damn heavy. Just kill me now please. I thought I had until 30 before I started having these issues. All the women on my Mom’s said have some sort of complications or tumors or growths or end up with a hysterectomy at 40. Fuck my life. I’m hoping it’s just stress. I don’t want to deal with this. No time to go to the docs tomorrow so I have an appt on Monday. Maybe it will just stop by then. Fuck…why why why why whhhhy?! I just want to talk to my Husband :( Please call baby.

sandraaslund I hope you’re wrapped in Tommy’s arms right now!

FUCK YOU.

I ask my Mom advice about some womanly issues that happen to all women in my family once they hit 30 and the first thing she says is oh its because you’re over weight….what.the.fuck. REALLY?! Are you fucking kidding me?! That has NOTHING to do with what I asked you about. Fuck you bitch. She always has something negative to say. I fucking hate her. Why why WHY. I am so close to losing my shit. SO fucking close. I hate leaving the house. I know I’m losing my shit because parking garages are starting to bother me again. Random I know but anytime my anxiety and other issues are building I can’t drive in parking garages without freaking out a little. Today I literally had to cry a little and duck my head and hold my breath just to park and at the damn mall. Fuck fuck fuck. I need this job. I need a distraction. I need money. I just want to be happy.

It’s going to be one of those days. Couldn’t sleep and I woke up feeling nauseous and anxious. I just want him. I want to hear his voice and feel him next to me. We have made it so far and today I just feel defeated. I need my husband and he isn’t here. I don’t want to go anywhere or see anyone. I want to hide from the world today. But of course that can’t happen so I’ll slap the fake smile on and keep moving. I just want to get today over with and hope that tomorrow is better.

On this night two years ago

….I couldn’t sleep. I just KNEW that something would go wrong (and it did lol). I had so many emotions and crazy thoughts running through my mind. I don’t think I ever had “cold feet” (I knew it was YOU from the moment we first met) but I definitely had anxiety about having a “prison wedding.” On this night two years ago I was terrified haha. But so excited! Two years ago tonight I was counting down the hours until I became your wife.

I don’t know if I’ve ever been more nervous.

I have an interview tomorrow (again yay) and it’s a total bs job and I am so SO overqualified but I need it desperately! I feel nauseous just thinking about it! Please please please hire me! I will do whatever the fuck you need me to do lol! I have two tickets to pay before I can see my husband again :( I need this job for so many reasons!

Fireball whiskey you do me so wrong.

All the laughs and giggles turn into tears when I’m alone. Thinking about all the shit I’m missin.